so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
