So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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