It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
