I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
