She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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