Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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