Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
