I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
