Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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