Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
