That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
