how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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