A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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