Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
