my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
