Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
