Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
