Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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