I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im holly from the hills drunk
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
