I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
