I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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