Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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