It's like a parade of train wrecks.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
