People in love make me want to vomit
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
