I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
