In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
