Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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