Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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