even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
3 2 1 whiskey
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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