That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
