You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
