OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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