So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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