So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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