We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
