Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just found puke in my bra..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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