Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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