at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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