I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
