U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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