tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
