shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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