she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
