he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
