I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
