that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
