Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
