Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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