it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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