I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
