When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize