i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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