Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
