He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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