I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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