I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize