I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i think i just lost a toe
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
