Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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