Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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