hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
