awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
