I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
