I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
